Finding out your partner’s been unfaithful is one of the most devastating things that can happen to you in a relationship. Even if you’re the type of person who doesn't consider cheating (especially if it’s purely physical) to be a huge deal, and would give him another chance, you must know it’s simply not as easy as that.
Being deceived and lied to does not feel good and definitely puts a big strain on the relationship. Discovering that there’s been infidelity on his par may leave you bitter, angry, resentful… These are not feelings you can just shake off and put in a little box to shelf somewhere deep inside your mind. And that’s exactly what you shouldn't do. What you should do is really take time to work through all those feelings, by yourself at first, and then, with your partner (if you decide you want to and actually can do so). This leads us to the first step:
1. To Be or Not to Be, This is the Question
After the initial shock has passed you’ll realize you have an important decision on your hands. And this is where you’ll really need to be honest with yourself! Think hard – can you really forgive? Do you even want to? Would you feel more comfortable if you just removed yourself from the situation or do you have the strength and the will power to try and make things right again?
This is a point when you can’t allow yourself to be influenced by anyone or anything (not even him!). Cause you don’t want to regret the decision later! You must do what YOU feel is right. If you still think that the relationship is something worth fighting for and you think you’ll be able to REALLY get over the affair at some point in the future – than that is what you should do. Just know that it will take some work – on both of your parts! Which leads us to…
2. Talk It Out
This is the point where you need to establish your conditions. Sure, it might sound too formal when you put it this way, but it’s important that you state whatever it is you think he needs to know. You want to communicate and you want to tell him as much as possible. ‘Cause if you want things to work this time around he’ll need to know what he did really hurt you. It’s not just about getting over it in silence and giving him a clean sleight. Without a good heart to heart conversation things will just stay the same and ignoring the fact that you've just had a major bump in the road is just about the worst thing you can do. Tell him how you felt, tell him why you chose to stay, tell him what you expect and what you hope for.
3. Find What Went Wrong and Fix It
Committing an affair almost always comes out of dissatisfaction with something in your relationship. And even if that isn't the reason, there still must be a reason behind cheating on your partner. So, whatever the problem was you must talk about it. `Getting it out in the open and talking is only going to help make your relationship better, and that’s what we’re striving for! There’s no point in just staying together if you’re not going to work on some stuff.
4. Rebuilding Trust
Even though it’s him who’s done the cheating you’ll also need to put in effort to get to the point you can trust him again. If you’re unable to establish trust in the relationship after he’s been unfaithful it simply will not work. It’ll all fall apart sooner or later. So, if you thought you can do it, but find yourself obsessively trying to crack his Facebook password – that’s something to bring up.
5. Forgive Him, but for Real!
Remembering the affair and bringing it up in every little argument you two have is not smart at all. If things are going good and you still use every single chance to rub it in his face that you forgave him it’s only going to eat up on your relationship!